Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
