I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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