mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
