So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I didn't notice because vodka
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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