3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
