During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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