ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
