So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
