1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
