i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
