? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
