Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
