there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
