He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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