Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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