I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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