I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
