Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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