Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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