He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont even know how to be here
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
