were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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