omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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