so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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