i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
