So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
