i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
