even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm just crazy horny about you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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