So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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