I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
