I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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