he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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