u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
