ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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