haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
