Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
