Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
