If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pants are for mortals
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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