Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
