when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
