I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
