her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
