Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
