He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Houston, we have a blender
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
