I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
