The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
