I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't motorboat a personality
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
