mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
tell me about the eggs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
