Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
