I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
