it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
