youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
