his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
